My thought process this morning

I’ve been a die hard horror movie fan for as along as I can remember, the more destructive and menacing the better. But lately, its becoming so disturbing for me to watch because the world is starting to reflex what was once just crazy unrealistic theatrics on the big screen. I fear watching the next horror film for fear that its more a reflection of society than a grotesque fantasy world that is gone once the film is over. Let me explain what happened…

Yesterday I came across a short film named First Date, Last Date – its only 6 minutes long. But in that 6 minutes the film captures the destructive nature and chaos of man when the end of the world is upon us. It is depressing – no joke – but there is a spark of hope that is touching, if only for a brief time. It gave me the sense that no matter how bad things are, we as people still have the option to make the most of the life we have.

I say all this because things have becoming more and more violent every year. The moral compass of societies has been turned in such a way that people are looking to wolves barely concealed in sheep’s clothing to save them, while the wolves blatantly and with glee strip people of their values, dignity, self-worth and freedom all in the name “A Better Tomorrow”. It’s a fast moving train that seems continues to move with fury down a track headed to nowhere.

But in the midst of all this, where do you find peace and stability? Where do you go when all your seeking is just basic common sense and safety. Truth is I don’t know. I don’t know if anyone does. Some will say “Let Go and Let God” others will say “Its Every Man For Himself”.

Maybe its both, maybe its neither … what I do know is that no matter the circumstance it is vital to hold on to one’s sense of self. Never cave to the mob mentality and lose your inability to think for yourself… That one should protect and nurture the heart and soul of what it means to be human. The ideals of scarcity thrown out by those who want you to join their side is an illusion. This is not to say that there isn’t a depletion occurring, but have you ever considered that the things you think you need aren’t really for you? That those things you work so hard to horde for yourself weren’t actually intended for you and by being a horde you are the cause of scarce resources?

Yes I know, I NEVER talk about these things out loud. I rarely, discuss politics, religion, destruction or any such things with others.  But I read a tremendous amount of information and for whatever reason I was compelled to write this and who knows maybe it will ring true for someone. Maybe someone needed to hear that the uncertainty – shame – irrationality – fear – they are experience isn’t something exclusive to them. I experience a host of emotions while keeping myself engaged and inform on the world. But I think I’ve also found that if I maintain my sense of peace within myself and allow myself to experience uncertainty it gives me the motivation to think how my actions, small they may be, can make life just a tiny bit better.  

Thanks for listening 

Kat

10 Signs an Employee is about to Quit!

10. Can’t concentrate for more than an hour on any particular work activity without have some kind of caffeine craving or getting caught up in co-worker conversation or basic office noise!

9. Doesn't care about getting a promotion, above average raise or any special achievement award!

8. Gets to work late and leaves early for no real reason and the idea of working and getting paid overtime is actually painful.

7. Looks forward to social interaction at work, which is reflected in the fact this employee knows all the office gossip but doesn’t know when the next office meeting is.


6. Job searching at work...to the extreme! Reading the want ads during breaks and lunch, printing out job openings on company printer, forwarding jobs via company email...you get the picture.

5. Scheduling work hours around certain co-workers... You'll notice that this person manages to avoid any indirect contact their supervisor or director.

4. Asks for copy of their job duties in preparation for an upcoming interview somewhere else and since s/he is avoiding they need a reference as to what the actually job duties are.

3. Appears energetic and up-beat all of a sudden, no matter what the work climate is like.

2. Personal items from work space are becoming less and less visible.

1. Got a brand new job as the webmaster for a web-page that is about the perils of working for the company they just quit!

Keeping Your Salt

Salt? Yeah, your "salt"! Your "salt" is the substance that makes you the unique individual that you are.

So how do you know what you "salt" is? More importantly, how do you keep it? Your salt is just that... YOURS! It can manifest its self in many fashions. For example, have you ever known someone who lights up a room, simply by entering it? They don't have to say anything, but their presence just seems to bring about a certain comfort. That is their salt... their ability to bring comfort to others. For another person it could be their salt is music. They can sing anything and appear to memorize music over night.

Again, why "salt"? Because your "salt", be it singing, writing, drawing, designing, assessing, is an inate gift that you did not have to learn... it is just a part of you, and as such cannot be taking away, anymore that you can seperate salt from the sea. At times you, but more likely others, may disregard or even disrespect your "salt" either out of jealous, envy, or misunderstanding.

In today's world, with raising health care cost, decreasing employment, repeated educational cuts, and increased violence and exposure to violence among adolensce and teens it's hard to look for anything but hopelessness. But it is because there is such a heavy focus on the negatives in the world that it is that much more vital to focus on the "salt" you as an individual has that can never be taken away.


Look to you "salt" as a tool to bring through times of dispair, stress and depression. One very important thing I learned working with youth and young adults with mental health illness, developmental disabilities and substance abuse issues is how vital coping and stress management skils are. Many of these individuals had a natural, raw talent that was buried under years of anger, hurt, discouragment and fear. When given the opporuntity to explore or even just talk of the things that they where good at, the transformation was amazing.

So I say, treasure you "Salt"! At times things may get hetic and chaotic and your salt may appear to have melted away, but it has not. It is only buried deep within you, but it is never gone as long you believe.

How to Spot a LOSER!

You would think this is obvious, but i's almost 2010 and apparently it still needs to be talked about. In this day of youtube, social networking and reality shows... we are bombarded with some many images that you start to forget that you actually have standards on what is normal and acceptable for you life and start looking for a "Real Chance at Love"!?! Oh god, say it ain't so!On those rare occasions when I do turn on the television I’m bombarded with images of loser after loser. What? You think that just because someone is on television, or a Youtube/ Myspace star, they’ve made something of themselves. No, they were a loser before they signed up for some so-called shot at love with a washed up celebrity and are now just a loser with more money and name recognition. And what are they known for? For absolute nothing … some of the more “famous” (I use the word loose to mean that they are well known to Generation Y, but have no real talent or credit to their name… yet J) Tila Tequila, Heidi & Spencer, Nadia Sulaman aka Octomom, . Am I bitter? Um, No more like feed up with seeing loser multiple at a speed that even mating rabbits couldn’t keep up with.

I feel it’s only my duty to bring it back to reality that all that glitters isn’t gold. It’s probably just your ADHD kicking in and the “oh shiny” gloss of the person’s exterior making you take a second look. A good slap up side the head will make you see straight, or at least get you to admit that you like the package but not what’s inside and hey, that’s at least a step. Sooooo step right up for a good slap of reality on how to spot a loser!

HOW TO SPOT A LOSER!

1. Doesn’t know how to fill out a job application!

Ok, this should be a big red flag! Don’t be fooled into thinking that this wonderful person is soooooo well off financial that s/he doesn’t need to work. From the ghettos of Los Angeles to Martha’s Vineyard in Massachusetts, and in between, real people have jobs. While it’s true that the financial fortunate don’t need to live paycheck to paycheck, having work ethics and strong principles is something most parents want to install in the next generation. So even if it’s volunteer while in high school, you have to fill out an application. So if the hunny bear you’re cozying up to can’t fill out anything beyond name, address and signature… RUN! It’s more than likely they are looking for you to be the suga daddy/mamma and you’ll need to fill out a lot of applications to keep the loser around depending on how high there taste runs!

2. Thinks "Having Kids" is the same as "Being a Parent"

In an ideal world, children would live in a stable home environment with both parents. However, as humans we are flawed and as adults, can be just as selfish at the age of 35 as we were at the age of 5 in wanting what we want. Life does happen and staying together for the sake of children is neither advisable nor health for the parents or the children, but if your a Real Parent you NEVER abandon the relationship you have with your child because you are no-longer with your significant other. Now I won't get into all the drama that partners can cause one another when the relationship heads south. I will say that you can immediately spot a loser when any reference is made to baby momma, baby daddy or worse yet, plural references as in BABY MOMMAS and BABY DADDIES? Only loser's refer children and the people the have children to as if they are a piece of property and not a person. Responsible adults you would want to know will say "I'm a parent" or "I have a son", "I have 2 kids" and so on and so forth. And in referencing or acknowledging the person with whom these children were made, a name is given other than baby, such as, "James' father" or "Sheri's mother". Avoid the drama and the competition and these types. Having a relationship with a man or woman of this sort will only bring you more headaches or make you the newest addition to the Baby Mama/Daddy family.

3. "You pay for school, but you can't buy class"

Success and wealth is not equal or proportionate to class, tactic or intelligence. Perfect example this week Kanye West! I hate to bring more attention to him, but he is a classic example of how money and social status don't necessarily equal class or even common sense. Here is a man who survived a horrific car accident that would have lift many dead if not permanently disabled and not only did he survived, but moved on to become one of the biggest hip-hop artist of his time. And yet he is so self-naracastic that he can't even let someone else win in a catergory that has nothing to do with him. In 30 seconds he managed to complete ruin a fabulous win for Taylor Swift in a category he couldn't be nominated in because it was Best Female Video, but someone he get his name attached to. How absolute tacky, low-class and infantial do you have to be steal the thunder from someone because you don't agree with the decision. People like will suck the life out of you. All the accomplishments in the world won't matter because they have no social breeding and common sense. So unless you are willing to be a door mat for the Kanye West's of the world, avoid these types of loser at all cost. They may very well have the wealth to move in big circles, but it won't matter when they've been blacklisted everywhere because the very thought of them sucks the life out of the room!

4. Do As I Say... Not As I Do (AKA Control Freaks!)

We've ALL encountered people like this in our lives... some of us have been able to run while some of us made the mistake of thinking this was a winner... you know those people who like you the way you are BUT think you should CHANGE this. Remember that anytime someone uses the words BUT or HOWEVER after a phrase, it takes away everything they said before hand. These people set on changing you are actually very charismatic and don't appear to be losers at all. They all appear strong and helpful and just want what's best for you... but in reality, its about them taking control over you. You'll hear things from the jump-start like , "Are you wearing that? Oh, no it looks great, but I think you would like better in this. Here let me help you." Sounds harmless and even very helpful because the other person is looking out for you. The problem is it won't stop here. Very quickly everything you say or do will not be good enough and will need to be changed. Funny, since you were good enough at the start to talk to ... now you need to change to sustain or maintain the relationship! RUN, far and fast. Men and women set on changing others will never be satisfied and unless you want to be a doormat for someone else, you will never be enough.

5. Self-Medicating Individuals

At some point in our lives we all will self-medicate, or decided to cure our own woes. It's part of our self preservation. It's also part of the society we are in when every other ad is a pharmaceutical ad on how to stop this or an alcohol beverage displaying people having a great time. You think to yourself, "Im feel crappy right now" and all those images of people playing people, looking beautiful, laughing it up and be social subconsciously float through your head and you head down to the club or bar and have a few drinks. It's socially acceptable and you may have had a good time and met a few people (just like in the commercial!). The nights over and you resume your normal activities the next day, recognizing that you were just having one of those days.

For Self-Medicating Individuals, this is not something they engage in a few times a month, this type of behavior, which is looking for some way to self-soothe, is a regular occurrence that is destructive and addictive. There are some underlining problems that need to be sorted out and unless that person is will to even acknowledge there is a problem, there is no hope! Recreational drug use is a gateway to self-medicating, and a good sign that this person has too many issues. In addition to drugs use (from marijuana to cocanie or Tylenol to Ritalin), alcohol and food are also used.

What makes such individuals "losers", is the destructiveness that comes along with self-medicating. It could be a very long time before you notice that the person you're involved with is self-medicating and of course because your in a relationship with this person you want to help. BE CAREFUL, because you can not change someone who does not feel there is anything wrong with them.

To Quitting A Job!

You know I've always believed that if you find a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life. Apparently I haven't found that job yet and neither has most of the world. Which is interesting as we, at least in the Western World, often define ourselves by what we do for a living. When we meet new people we ask, "So what do you do?". There's a few ways to answer this question. If you like what you do, but not who you work for you say something like "I'm a account executive" or something equal impressive even though you work for Fed Ex in shipping and receiving. If you don't like what you do but know the company name is one people associate with success, than you say something like "I work for Sony Pictures" even though your a step up from intern running errands for the assistant to the executive assistant in hopes of one day being recognized. For those of small few who like what you do AND where you work, you say something like "I'm a product advertiser for Versace". Of course if you had that job, you wouldn't be talking to someone who didn't know what you already did. Ok, I'm being facetious, but the point is you will gladly talk about some aspect of the job you like in a manner that will a good impression of who you are. So what do you do when you hate your job? While there's a lot that you can say... but more importantly,if you hate your job you probably should start looking for a new one.

I can actually speak about the topics of employment with a certain level of expertise, as I'm a Vocational (Rehabilitation) Consultant (among many other talents). I'm good at looking for jobs as well as quitting jobs. Now it may not seem important to know HOW to quit. Besides what is more is there other than to say "I quit!" to the place you love to hate? There's a lot more!

In reality, it doesn't matter if the job is at the local fast food joint or the over-price boutique, quitting a job should always be done with a certain level of respect and class. I'll admit that I've kind of had a slight admiration for those people who walk into the boss's office and say, "You know what, you can take this job and kiss my ass because I quit!" II have on various days, sometimes several times throughout one day have wanted to tell a superior to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and storm out. But since I don't have an unlimited supply of cash on hand and like my reputation, I have to control my spontaneity and bite my tongue!

Ok, so now that I've been all high an might, how do you quit a job? Well since I just quit another job a weeks ago, the concept is still fresh in my mind. And since I was successful at finding another job, I'm going to drop some knowledge on what I did. Let's hope I won't have to repeat this process for a long time to come!

LEAVING YOUR JOB IN PEACE WITHOUT IT LEAVING YOU IN PIECES!

1. FIND ANOTHER JOB FIRST! WTF? I should actually be more focused on how to find a job than how to quit a job... oh well... next time! Anyway it sounds obvious, but I can't tell you how many people I know, let alone the number of client's I worked with, who quit their job and didn't have another lined up. Trust me when I say its easier to leave one job when you know you have another one already. Finding a job when you're out of work is a full-time job and many people don't dedicate the time to it. When you are in a position you don't like, you're motivated to finding something better and that incentive is a constant reminder to do BETTER than what your doing right now. What's your motivator when you've left the job? Many of us need that pain-in-the-ass co-worker or unreasonable work-conditions to give us the push to better ourselves.
2. GIVE PROPER NOTICE! Again, it's very tempting to walking into your supervisor's office and say, "You know what, I'm just not that into this job. See ya!" and leave. Or better yet just not ever show up to work again! But people, especially employers, have a looooong memory and they especially remember all the stuff you did wrong. It won't matter you were on time early every day, covered whenever they asked and increased numbers if you on a bad note. All that will be remembered i that you weren't professional enough to give the usually notice required for the job you were performing. *There are a very few exceptions to this rule*
3. TELL THE BOSS BEFORE YOU TELL YOUR CO-WORKERS! Ok, I'll be very honest and say that I didn't follow this rule completely. I talked with 2 co-workers first before I told my boss, but I gave them limited information. The 2 co-workers I did talk I trusted to NOT share the information with anyone else and I did so because the job I was applying for required work-references. When I was offered and job and accepted, I told my boss first. I was fortunate in that he was very supportive of my new position. I then wrote a letter of resignation and official told all my co-workers via email.

There's a few more things that probably should be done like offering to train your replacement, leaving your work station in working order, not taking anything from work .... yada yada yada. Of course since leaving the job is a bigger priorities, dont' offer anything more than you did before you were there. It'll seem suspicious... haha!

LEAVING THE JOB IN PIECES CAUSE YOU DON'T GAVE A DAMN!

1. Don't show up to work... ever again! NO call, no notice, no email, nada! Everyone will get the picture by the 3rd day!
2. Showing up to work intoxicated and telling the boss what you really think about his management skills and comb-over.
3. Ok, so you go in to work and say "I'm resigning" and leave the same day! Technically you gave notice... take 2 weeks vacation!
4. Wait until there's an important meeting and than reschedule it on a different day with all the intended attendees.

The Beginning & Why

So after all my years of blabbing about writing, I'm actually finally committing to it. Why? While in graduate school at San Diego State, I was going through a "how-to" travel guide book in preparation for a trip to Mexico and I thought to myself, "this is awful!" Not the book it self, but the fact that it was like every other travel guide or self-help book that really doesn't help anyone. I decided I would just wing it with my travel partners. On this trip, I just happen to be the only black woman. It really wasn't an issue to me, in fact it kind of made me the center of attention (of course, it could have also been that I'm 6 foot, but I digress) and I had no problem moving among the various ethnic circles and representing SDSU and the United States at this International Conference. Because a writing assignment was a condition of the funding for the trip, I decided to take notes to use later rather than rely on my memory.

During one of the lecture that was being delivered in Spanish first - I made a notation "American black girl able to translate without translator in Mexico, indication of assimilation or adaptation?" and from that an idea was born. Writing about myself in the 3rd person give me the idea to create a story of sorts about my experience on this trip, rather than a traditional term paper. That was the beginning of the end. For the last several years I have written up short, and hopeful, insight pieces that will be shared.

The concept of Black Gurl's Guide should be seen as a resource based on of my experiences and those shared by from friends and associates. It is not a "black girl's" or "black" female guide , but rather a "how-to" seen through the eyes of a black female who often hears "gurl!" from her friends after talking about one of my unique experience. Hence the name "Black Gurl's" guide.